Gratitude is, well, it's like the background music of my life. It's true, some days I'm more grateful than others, some days it can be hard to find gratitude in the midst of feelings of stress, or loneliness, or fatigue, or pain. Part of maturing is knowing that despite the everyday, regular, run-of-the-mill ups and downs of life, I have so much to be grateful for. I was born into a loving and close family; I've had wonderful and great friends my entire life; I live in a beautiful part of the country; I make enough of a living; I'm healthy; my family is healthy; I've never had to go a day without food unless I wanted to; I'm sober; I have two great housemates that live for two things: love & food. What it boils down to is that I'm sincerely happy to be alive. Now, there were a lot of times, especially during my days of heavy drinking, that not only was I not happy to be alive but I really thought I'd rather be dead. And that's what I still have trouble with being ashamed of -- that I failed to recognize life for the gift that it is for so long. That I was so damned stupid. So I make living amends around that by being grateful for life today, despite all the mistakes and screw-ups, the memories that make me cringe and the fact that it's all so very temporary, beautiful and heart-breaking. Or maybe because it's all so very temporary, beautiful and heartbreaking. I seem to have embraced the mystery without even knowing I was doing it. Recognizing that makes my life sacred.
P. S. I tried to get that damn picture to look right about 10 times. Oh well.
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